After a lot of consideration, I decided that this was going to be my "coming back into blog world" post. LOL sounds funny right....i know...just get used to weirdness from me ;) I haven't been blogging in quite some time but I knew I absolutely NEEDED to get back into it - however - I wasn't sure this was the post I wanted to use....it's kind of a tough one and requires me to be honest and forthcoming about myself in a way that's not easy for me and definitely not flattering. Here it is: I've been realizing over the past few months that my thoughts and self-talk are controlling my life in ways I never imagined possible. It scares the crap out of me. Because, for the first time in my life, I've come to the point of realizing that I lost me somewhere along the path of negative thoughts, ponderings, and beliefs that then translated into actions. Now…you may be thinking that I sound really cliche' - "lost me somewhere…." blah blah blah…and I would have to agree with you (btw I hate cliche' but give me a break I'm trying to get this out here) stick with me - it will get better….
Gradually, it came to my attention that I probably spend at least 2-3 hours of my day ruminating on all of the stuff that "didn't go right" in my day OR on all of the stuff that I "need to get better at." After my defense mechanism screamed at me - THAT'S NOT TRUE! - I actually was able to rationally look at the statement and agree wholeheartedly. It's an easy trap to fall into for anyone and I had done it. I do use up ~3hrs of my day in that way. So…..I felt sad. Typical reaction. Typical feeling. Pity on me. Wow look how stupid I've become. Then I realized I was being negative ABOUT my negativity……which made me want to bust up laughing at the absurdity of it all!
I have a couple questions that I've been working through now and I hope to share them in the spirit of encouragement. If you are going through a similar situation and are striving to get out of it - good for you! Let's do this thing together! If not, please look around and see that there are plenty of your friends and family who need some tough love to wake up and see they're in a dark hole. Don't let them get to the point where there is no way to scale the wall back out. So now….
Question #1) How the heck did I get HERE??
I think this one is fairly easy to answer but hard to fully understand. Over time, we all pick up ideas, sayings, and snippets of reality that we make our own. A lot of those can be subliminally or subconsciously destructive because they play like a cd stuck on replay. So no I can't point to one exact event that "caused the problem." I think what might explain it best is the 2nd law of Thermodynamics which simply put is this - If you don't put energy into something, it will go downhill -….you as a person don't just spontaneously become a better individual without work. Without putting effort into keeping your mind and thoughts healthy and pure, they will just sit there, and worse they won't just sit pretty….they degrade….yes i mean the potential, life, and positivity start wasting away. The world has a way of sucking that out of you. I don't want that. You don't want that. I realized I hadn't put any time or energy into loving and taking care of myself by keeping my MIND positive and encouraged. Did you know that you speak to yourself more than 10,000 times in a day??? When I learned that bit of information in my physiology class I was stunned….I mean it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you're putting negative junk in - the amplification of 10,000 times isn't a good thing….
Question #2) So now that I know somewhat of how I got here….my next thought was "well, how do I get out?"
This question seems like it would be so hard to answer but it really isn't…..now mind you I DO NOT know everything and would love for you guys to comment and share how you think this question should be answered. Your comments and ideas are all welcomed! So anyway I think the answer is more simplistic than what we think! Essentially garbage in, garbage out - right? everyone has heard that phrase somewhere along the way! So what if we replace garbage in, garbage out with treasure in, treasure out ? I've been trying this and so far I have been really happy with the progress I am seeing in my life. I had been putting garbage into my life via negativity about myself so now instead of that I am replacing it with treasure so that little by little there will be no more room for the stinky garbage…..here's some of my treasure:
1.) The Bible - what God says about me is a lot better than what I say about myself any day!
2.) My manifesto - lol ;) yes I wrote one out - basically my life's goals and a bunch of positive affirmations about myself - reading it every day is what i've been trying to do
3.) STOPPING - I've realized that once you get rolling on a bad or negative thought it's too easy for it to snowball. Sooooo if I get a negative thought, I put it out of my mind and choose to dwell on something else that is better in my life.
4.) Discussions with close friends and family - this is invaluable! They keep you honest with yourself and lift you up when you need it most. Don't do this cleansing of negativity alone. There's people out there who identify and can help :)
5.) Zig Ziglar, John Maxwell, etc, etc. - read the greats - they knew a little somethin' :)
6.) Stepping outside of your comfort zone….I have a magnet on my fridge that says "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" It's SO true though. It's scary as crap and something I really don't like to do! I would rather sit in my nice, happy bubble and never push myself. But to be honest, I have something deep in my heart that just KNOWS that doing that would be wrong and would waste my precious years that God has granted me. So yes, I will push myself to move outside that bubble bit by bit because I know I'll be a better person in the long run. :)
Anyways, this is a journey and one not taken lightly. I love everyone and wish that we all would try to do this - one step at a time guys, one step at a time. The tortoise won the race not because he was important, fast, or perfect but because he stuck with it the whole way - never give up!